aza says...

After the show finished, we walked outside the theatre and it started snowing. I don’t know what it is about snow but it just seems so pretty and wonderful. It almost makes me tear up, don’t know why? Maybe it’s because of all those pretty movies you see when it starts to snow at just the right moment in the plot that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Even though it was only about -7 degrees, we walked down to Times Square and just stood there watching the little white flakes fall down on us. We took photos of it, videos and even wrote messages in the red tables that are all over Times Square (they were all covered in snow). Once we wrote messages, we took photos of them and uploaded them as soon as we could! I had a couple of snowballs thrown at me too by my fellow travellers, which I didn’t appreciate. Little do they know but revenge was served later that evening when I stuck Brayden & Kate’s toothbrushes down my pants. When they read this, they will discover that revenge is a dish that is best served… with pubes.

We went and had something to eat, they tried to add a $15 tip on the bill which we didn’t pay because the service was shit house (we left them a $5 tip which was generous enough) and the guy even chased us down the street. I had to get my stern voice on to let him know that was all we were tipping him and that was all… even I love it when I get all macho!

Waking up the next morning was bittersweet, because we are always excited about visiting a new city, however not too excited about the whole packing thing. Everyone’s suitcases seem to be getting tighter and tighter too!

We headed to the airport and the cab driver tried to get a $25 tip off us this time… assholes. We gave him $5 only too…

When it came time to board the plane we discovered that we were flying on a very small plane, maybe about 30 seats on board? On one side was a single seat and the other side had 2. I was flirting with the airhostess who had a gap in her teeth that you could fly a plane through. She was fun.

Boston airport is lovely, Boston itself reminds me of the city of Melbourne with the attitude of Sydney… the people are ok, but they aren’t the nicest we have met in our travels across the states. Maybe it’s me? As soon as we arrived in Boston I got sick, having some issue with my throat and it’s hurting me to swallow (no jokes please)

There is no Wi-Fi here in Boston either… Well there is but you have to pay for it… fuck that. Brayds and I have web on our phones with our T-Mobile plan, but it’s so incredibly slow… imagine Facebook taking 10 minutes to refresh! How very dare you Boston!

Our hotel room in Boston (at the Sheraton) is really nice, the beds are so comfortable and the pillows are so nice. I find that you really start to appreciate these finer details the longer you are away from home. There is this great ad on TV at the moment here where these people return from vacation and fall face first onto their bed, talking into the mattress saying (muffled) “I’ve missed you”. I can really relate to that! I miss my bed!

Something that I’m bombarded with in every shop is Valentines Day shit. It’s everywhere here! So, another year sans valentine. Ugh. I’ve actually been thinking of sending someone back home an anonymous one, but I’m not too sure about that yet… I still feel that I’m flogging a dead horse with this one, but at the same time I cant stop thinking about him, it’s annoying the shit out of me to be honest. I don’t know what has to happen for me to stop thinking about him. I don’t think that there has been one day whilst on holidays that I haven’t thought about him – fucking annoying to be honest… anyway, onto another topic please…

I’ve also realised that I haven’t bought all the much and am already very low on cash – oh well… I’m not too stressed about this at the moment – maybe because tomorrow we hit Vegas and I get to hit the BOD (Band of Dad)… whenever I need a loan from Dad I like to start with this line, “so, 28 years ago, you foolishly decided NOT to wear a condom. It’s because of this that you must pay…”

Well, that was a great topic change Aza! Fuckwit.

So if you’d like to make a donation, I’ll send you my bank details pronto!

Oh and I didn’t really stick their toothbrushes down my pants… I ran them around the rim of the toilet : )

“that’s what friends are for…”

aza
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so last day in san fran was fun... i think i've decided i want to live there - it's such an awesome city. the ONLY thing that i don't like about it, is that there are so many homeless people around the place, like an incredible amount... on the streets, in doorways and even shitting in the park - yeah. that's right, we saw a dude shitting in the park

it's so sad to see my dad like that - anyway... sucks to be him!

we woke up on this last day to kate saying 'what the fuckkkkkkk' - she was eating peanut m&m's in her bed and one stayed in there... needless to say a warm night mixed with tossing ad turning on white sheets made it look like she shat the bed - this made us laugh so hard that a bit of wee came out

i said to B (Brayden) that i had a surprise for him... something to do with meat and buns - he wasn't as excited as i was until we arrived at In 'n' Out burger - if you haven't experienced this in your life, then you are missing out... it was so delicious that we did not talk until we had fully eaten it all - nom nom nom

the burger joint was in Fisherman's Wharf and we spent a good couple hours walking around there and seeing every god forsaken tacky shop with everything inside it saying "San Francisco" on it - like those stores on the Gold Coast that are full of Koalas and Kangaroo scrotums that we cringe at? yeah those... about 2kms of them! i *almost* bought a san fran hoodie, but thought that maybe it would be a better idea not to get one... we already stand out enough with our accents and the fact that we walk on the wrong side of the walkway etc...

after a few more hours around there we headed off back to the hotel to begin the delightful task of packing - fuck that is annoying!

the next day we flew to New York City, the big apple, the big smoke etc... an AMAZING city, however we had a most UN-AMAZING flight full of turbulence and the plane swaying side to side. my magic white pills were in the overhead compartment and i wasn't too happy about that at all

so we arrive in NYC and it's only about -2 degrees... not too bad at all. WHAT THE FUCK - it was so cold. immediately i lost my testicles. we caught a cab to the apartment and the cab driver tried to rip us off an extra $10 - welcome to NYC :)

we met Andrea, this woman who we are renting the apartment from and she showed us around the place, it's so nice and cosy here... just remember, don't eat on the couch, it's the only rule! well one of them anyway... yeah, we have been eating on the couch

first stop to eat (as the flight was 6 hours then you have to plus 3 hours time difference) was the local pizza joint and it's delicious - NYC pizza is the best... again, nom nom nom

we went to bed, not before another pillow fight in our g-strings though (ps. i won!)

the next day we went off to Times Square, still freezing like it was no one's business... it's so cool there. we ate lunch at Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square - saw the original jacket that Michael Jackson had on in the "Thriller" filmclip and even the original penned lyrics to 'Imagine' by John Lennon - so many cool artifacts in that place - you would hate to have a fire :/

we lined up at this place called TKTS where they sell broadway and off-broadway tickets for heaps cheap - so we decided (well i decided because the louts that i'm travelling with haven't seen a musical before - pfft - amateurs **NEWS FLASH** B has just told me he has seen some gay ass play called "A Spring Awakening") to see Chicago! HE HAD IT COMING! so we quickly popped homo, Katherine Jane (Hollywood) got into her nicest frock and Brayden put on his sunday best and we headed out to the show! i sand the songs from the musical the whole way there too - the kids loved it!

the show was great, apart from the stupid jerk that was next to us, the 2 of them actually - she had her phone on and so did he and they had to have the most annoying and loudest ringtone mid show... silly fat fucks

anyway, we left the show and stepped outside into -9 degree weather... all of our muscles froze and we had to endure the cold winds for the 20 odd minute walk home... let me tell you, snot is running down your face when you cant feel it is NOT a good look - but it's funny when you don't tell your mates that they have a snot stream on their cheek...

the next day we woke up at 2pm - oops... then stayed in bed for most of the day... being -9 outside didn't give us the best of motivations to get outside and frolic around in our g-strings... to make lazy even lazier - we discovered delivery.com - this website where you can order ANYTHING to your house - so we ordered dinner from a place that is literally across the road! hilarious!

next day we headed out to SoHo and did some shopping, kate bought some things, i didn't buy anything but a beanie - we had the most amazing pizza at this place called "2 Boots" - yeah there is a theme here, the pizza is delicious - i cant remember what else happened on this day - probably something like going back to the apartment and then being lazy... OH THAT'S RIGHT - we ordered more food from delivery.com... tonight - pasta

it was gross.

today we went to 5th avenue to do more shopping (or in my case, window shopping) and we also went to Central Park... the water there is all frozen (where there would usually be lakes and shit) and we were very close to frozen ourselves. we discovered a ice rink in the middle of the park owned by Donald Trump and we stood watching people fall on their ass - it was hilarious - we even filmed some of them stacking it hard on the ground... after all this hilarity, we headed to a local market/supermarket thing and stocked up on some normal food and had that for dinner... i had bagels with some tuna on them - it was so nice just to have something normal to eat!

so what's left of NYC to see? well the other 2 have already seen the statue, the world trade centre and wall street etc, which i've seen before so i didn't go again - i'm sure it still looks the same!

we want to do the sex and the city tour - i did this last time and it was awesome - shows you some cool places in NYC too - we might do that on Tuesday when it warms up to a whole -1 degree!

so until next time i get a few minutes to blog away - look after yourselves and don't be jealous!

love etc

aza
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so, it's with pleasure that i bring you... dear america...

1) please don't put cinnamon on and in everything that you make
2) yes, i know it's cold outside... you don't need to ask me whenever i'm in a shop "wow, it's cold out, isn't it" NO SWEETIE, IT'S FUCKING BOILING
3) no, i'm not from england
4) when i say that i'm from australia, please remember that there are more places in our country than just 'melbourne or sydney'
5) your money sucks, the 1c is bigger than the 10c piece and the 5c piece is bigger than both... what is going on here? didn't anyone think about this first?
6) speaking of money, get rid of the 1c piece... who is really using it?
7) don't make me take my shoes off at the airport, what moron would smuggle something into a plane in their stinky shoes?
8) stop delaying flights all the time
9) your mobile phone companies suck, the reception blows and the internet is as slow as a carrier pigeon that decides to walk instead of fly - yeah you know those birds... they shit me to tears too... i digress
10) stop selling things on the tv to me then tell me side effects like 'this artificial sweetener may cause anal leakage' true story...

anyway, that's enough for now - i need to update my blog with my fabbo adventures!

ps. i'm drinking a shit-load of 'smart water' and it's doing nothing for me... i'm still as dumb as fuck

aza
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when we last left off i was half cut after drinking over a litre of some smirnoff and lemon number that was purchased for $2... i love that at chemist stores here you can buy alcohol too! i'm like a kid in a candy shop, skipping between the sleeping pill asile to the vodka asile... trying to work out what pill goes best with Belvedere Vodka (yes, that is my new drink...)

when we awoke the next morning, we headed out to santa monica boulevard, which is such an awesome spot in LA. however, upon leaving the hotel and getting in the cab it started to hail... not huge hail, about the size of peas, but it went on for about 45 minutes. our cab drive saying that he hasn't seen weather like that in LA for 22 years! we got lucky with the weather too :/

we went into iHop and had some breakfast with some pancakes. both Brayden and Kate were horrified at me for putting maple syrup on the breakfast, but it's delicious. trust me. it's called an American Breakfast, so when in Rome (or America) do as the Romans do (or the Americans do...). walking around, looking in shops, up and down streets, round and around finally took us to where they shoot the TV show LA Ink. i had no idea where i was, apparently it's a cool show. the shop was awesome though, except for the annoying teens who were outside screaming for a bit, then continued to follow us inside and carry on like morons. silly little sluts.

we then went down Hollywood Boulevard and saw the stars on the walk of fame. i've chosen the PERFECT spot for my own star, now i just need to work on some sort of career! Kate (aka Hollywood) took many a shot of anything that said Hollywood on it, photos coming as soon as i can steal her memory card!

i have my camera here with me, but i'm not all that into taking photos on this trip for some reason... i got some on my iPhone and whatever i see that i like, i'm uploading straight away so you can have a look for yourselves. i'm sensing that when people see the pics, they swear at me via some kind of inner monologue, but meh, i know deep down you *do* love me! don't you? please???

so the next day, Saturday, we headed off to San Fran... our plane was stuck on the tarmac for ages (i don't think that i have ever caught a flight in America and it HASN'T been delayed for some stupid reason). it seems apparent that in Australia, we don't give a shit about weather conditions and fly at any time. just nose dive that fucker and she'll be sweet!

arrive in San Fran felt awesome, the view out of the plane was very cool, a very pretty city and the weather was very Melbourne like, which i love. Overcast, little cold and looks like it could piss down at any minute. we got in another shuttle and headed to our hotel, checked in and then opened the door to a hotel room that would be about the size of my bedroom in Adelaide... cosy for 3 people! we decided to head out and have a look around the place to see the shopping on Market Street, hit a local Westfield mall (which was massive) and then headed back to the hotel to crash after a full day of window shopping

Yesterday (Sunday) we got up at our new wake up time of 11am and headed down to the Castro. for those of you that don't know about this place, you should read this... THE CASTRO. we were pretty hungry at this stage and we managed to find a place called Harvey's. this place was very cool, named after Harvey Milk, an American politician who was the first openly gay man to be elected to public office in California.

we ordered brunch (of course) which was yummy as. out of the corner of my eye i could see the bar, thinking, shit, there are a lot of people here ordering orange juice, like MASSIVE glasses of it. there were also a lot of bloody marys being ordered... i almost did one as they were only $8 for a MASSIVE mary! keeping a close eye on how these orange juices were being made by the tonne i realised that 90% of the glass was champagne and 10% was orange juice... yes, my eyes did light up a little. they use ONE champagne bottle to make 2 of these things, that's how huge they are!

when the waiter came over (he was as camp as tits) i asked him "sweetie, what is this" pointing to the drink... he blared "YOU HAVEN'T HAD A MIMOSSSSSSSSA BEFORE?" it was shortly after this that 3 arrived on our table, cheers! we drunk them and then walked up castro, pretty smashed and laughing at all the awesome names of the shops and the blatant porn almost everywhere you looked. it was really awesome and sweet to see men walking together holding hands, made me go "awwwww"... i wasn't quite sure if it was the mimosa or seeing that which made me warm on the inside... probably a little from column a, little from column b!

we continued to walk around a bit, ended up at another bar called the lookout, while Brayden went to some massive hill to get his snaparazzi on. we had some "vodka sprites in a tall glass" (you dont say lemonade here unless you want lemons squeezed in water). so we worked out that a tall glass here is the same sized glass as the mimosa was in, easily a pint if not more... only $6 too! i got called cutie by the most stunning barman and think i urinated a little with excitement

it was a great location for people watching, having a laugh and meeting some locals who recommended that we head onto other locations around castro, which after our 4th 'tall glass' we thought was a great idea... Brayden decided to go back to the hotel and Kate and I went onto a place called "Mix"... we walk in, order more of these tall glases and start chatting to this guy and girl who worked next door at Starbucks! success, free coffee for us! all of a sudden i was so drunk that i was falling asleep on the bar and kate was standing outside on the street on her own, so we decided to get a cab home... it wasn't a pretty ride for kate (you can fill in the blanks yourself)... it was only 8:45pm that we got home too! ha!

so today was a pretty mellow day for kate and I. more so mellow for me as i stayed in the hotel room to try and get the sleep that i didn't get last night as i thought i was going to puke every time i thought about shutting my eyes!

we got some lunch today at about 12, then Brayden and Kate headed off to see the bridge thing (i have no interesting at looking at bridges, statues or anything like that... that's what postcards or google are for). i went for a walk to the chemist to get some things and now i'm just sitting here, blogging to the masses and waiting for my kids to get home so i can ask them "how was your day?"

i've brought my Australian flag and i'll be hanging it here tomorrow, giving us all an injection of patriotism whilst we are so far from our home...

man, i miss my bed like all hell!

having a blast, wish you could all be with us while we are on this adventure, but then again, you might all annoy me and splitting bills would be a fucking nightmare!

until next blog, remember... you love me!

aza
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